Monday, December 6, 2021

Who’s Fooling Who

All That Glitters

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Both Dirty Harry and I included live by the term” a man got to know his limitations”. These are words to live by – there are certain things in life I won’t attempt, like tear apart my old 1973 truck engine and expect it to start after I put it back together. This also goes for house plumbing and electrical work; I don’t wanna end my life or others from drowning or being electrocuted from my own doing. 

That said, where is it written that a person with no experience whatsoever attempts to repair his or her own precious jewelry? I know, I know, I rant and rave about guys (it’s always guys!) who attempt their own battery changes, all because they don’t want to pay my going rate (or anyone’s for that matter!). Then just because they bring in their own new battery they paid seven bucks for at CVS I’m expected to install it for no charge. They are horrified the replacement price is the same, your battery or mine. They say no way, I say yes way, they are my tools, my shop, and my time… suit yourself!

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“I’ll just put it in myself!” That is the usual reply.

Here is where the limitation thing clicks in, with the right tools an average chimpanzee can be taught to change most watch batteries, problem is most watch replacement do-it-yourselfers apparently don’t have the skill or I.Q. of your average chimp.

So, at it they go…banging away, scratching, and scraping at the watch as if their life depends on it, many times they never even get the back off, and if they manage to accomplish that feat, the now mangled watch cover looks like it went through a chipper-shredder and will never snap on again. Some actually return without a tinge of remorse expecting me to put the Humpty-Dumpty watch back together again, I pronounce it dead on arrival. All that pain and anguish to save three dollars!

It gets better. Now to home do it yourself jewelry repair; wife complains to her other half her diamond engagement ring and wedding band are both too tight. He suggests she lays off the bread, that answer results in the silent treatment and leftovers for a few days. He asks for the rings but instead of going to a jeweler he trots to the garage…how hard can it be? After pounding on the diamond ring for a period of time with a Ball-peen hammer on a steel rod, the ring has now split in half, the center diamond has flown across the garage floor and all the side diamonds have fallen out. Well done! Guess who he sees next…yours truly, on a Monday morning before my first cup of coffee. Now $1,495 later the ring resembles what it was before the slaughtering, luckily he did not attempt the same treatment to the diamond wedding band. It would have been around a $150.00 charge if he (or her) had come to me first, what was he thinking?

The same goes for some women when it comes to re-stringing beads or pearls…how much? No way!!! How hard can it be? Slide Grammy’s pearls on a piece of string and tie two knots…nothing to it! First of all…wrong! The string is fine silk thread, and to restring pearls the right way they are required to be knotted between each pearl, the fifty to one hundred knots must be tight and exactly the same size to have professional results. I once gave a lady four feet of silk thread, a restringing needle, and two new end tips – all the equipment one needs to accomplish the “simple task”. Three days later she returned with a few inches of silk left, and the restrung pearls were a pitiful sight. She apologized, saying that was the most frustrating thing she had ever experienced and insisted we do the re-stringing properly and professionally.

You would think I would have learned my lesson, only this past weekend there I was with my years old power washer’s parts strewn all over my barn in an attempt replace the faulty pump. How hard could it be? I ordered a new pump replacement from Amazon (not cheap!). Hours later after getting it all together, I was so proud of myself. During the test spray it worked perfectly like the first day I got it. I barely finished the front of my house when the engine started smoking, clanking and then the sucker ceased up! La morte – scratch one power washer!



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