Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Suiting Themselves

All That Glitters

Submitted Photo


Just look around…it seems most of the population is rushing around looking to see where they can find a first or second Covid vaccine shot. I feel it would be even more appropriate on this island paradise to create and administer an additional shot that re-induces a simple common-sense trait…patience!  

As many of you know, I have a habit of calling out abhorrent behavior tendencies of an obvious reverse evolution that is occurring to a certain strain of Homo sapiens.  

Accidently, in observing this process, I have inadvertently not only butchered the English language but even invented my own vocabulary not found anywhere in Webster’s dictionary. It’s amazing to me that you nice folks who read my column are the only remaining courteous humans that seem to understand my unique and twisted way of thinking. 

I personally witnessed a guy totally lose his mind waiting in line at an island pharmacy that required police intervention to subdue this impatient nut case before he went medieval! I often times wonder if fur wearing, knuckle dragging pre-historic Neanderthals would have had more manners than this impatient anti-queuing modern excuse for a human being.

Patience is a virtue…and just sitting here writing this I had to get up twice and explain to someone it can’t be done while you wait! (I’m not a Mickey D’s drive thru!) The “it’s all about me” crowd is in full capacity this season. I’m sure that I’m not alone realizing this abnormality that appears to becoming normal.  I’m also hearing from other businesses (especially restaurants) over and over that “they are worse than ever!”  

The word “They” is a very broad category, and I’m not going to go there and specify who exactly “They” are. (They know who they are, They will just never admit it!) You may have read one of my previous articles where I mentioned another uptight breed of uncouth Homo sapiens known as “The Retentive Ones”.

So now those of you who took offence to that previous article are most likely also a card-carrying member of the “They” crowd. Adding that trait to already being a Retentive One really creates a unique malcontent(s) that causes “The Rest of Us” to endure an even larger and more intensively miserable and impatient group of whom I will designate “They”.

Now that I have made a statement that’s clear as mud…     what on earth does this have to do with an article about jewelry!

I have always been a believer in Karma and what goes around comes around, especially here on the island, which I often affectionately refer to as “Mayberry with Sand”. Try and torment me and I will happily return the favor. 

I have been in this business for a half a century or so and unlike many of my fellow island merchants, my life is great, and I simply don’t need the aggravation or anguish one must endure to serve the “they crowd and trust me, I can spot one after hearing four or six words out of their mouths. There are lots of Them out there, from every state in the union and abroad, the only exception to my in-house red flag system is some of the “They’s” are incapable of forming a full sentence. It’s usually a garbled “I need this now!” Or a barked out “I have to wait how long?” and my favorite “My jeweler back home does it right away for me for free!” Wow! A complete sentence I can understand and still totally ignore. 

No amount of explaining or reasoning will work with These people (Please note…The terms These and Those can also pertain to the Theys.) Apparently there are also some “Them”! Say like for example if you voted for the wrong political person. “Oh, you are one of THEM!”

I have found myself using the term “suit yourself” when attempting to explain to a “They” that there is no possible way to do it while They wait. (See, now you’re getting it!) So, They stand there huffing and puffing, contemplating whether they will leave it or not, so by now I have walked away from one stewing They to wait on another soon-to-stew They who just overheard the previous conversation and somehow thinks that having to leave it does not pertain to him or her. This phenomenon occurs because the They’s exist in a narrow minded “it’s all about me” world and that world came off its axis and to a grinding halt because their watch stopped or a piece of jewelry broke. Which immediately make me the answer to their earth-shattering dilemma. Problem is, I’m up to my ears in alligators, like most business owners – it’s high season for crying out loud!!!! They also use the excuse “I’m leaving in the morning” or “I’m on the way to the airport”, inferring I have to do it now so I can make their world right again. You can’t do it now??? Then They usually say, “I’ll just take it elsewhere”! I answer, “suit yourself!” Those who choose to “take it elsewhere” often time return days later with whatever it was requiring immediate service now in worse shape than I originally viewed it. Nothing gives me more internal joy than pronouncing the article in question “now un-repairable” and I casually mention “I thought you said you were leaving town the next day?”

Suit yourself is a term I understand originated in the 1500’s in England, and the way I understand it, the outcome for that person is usually not that good, like trying to repair his wife’s diamond ring in the garage with a hammer, chisel and a lead soldering gun! Suit yourself is an older form of saying “whatever”; the term suit yourself is not as rude or abrupt as “whatever” but it still gets the point across, which is also a nicer way of saying no. NO is a word that not only sets a They’s or a Them’s head on fire but also causes steam to emanate from their ears of the too well known “Retentive Ones”!

Contrary to the They’s beliefs, not everything in their world or ours for that matter can be done while they wait. Then again, even though it’s nothing I’m particularly skilled at, I honestly wouldn’t mind attempting to administer a sure cure for the impatient, “a while you wait frontal lobotomy “I may have seen performed on YouTube.

Jewelry repair or restoration is not an immediate service in most cases, even some watch battery replacement jobs can be heart wrenching and tedious – try finding a dropped or flying gold screw the size of a no seeum’s kneecap. I can assure you the local hardware store does not carry them.

Quality craftsmanship and service takes time and experience. 

So please don’t be one of the They’s, Them’s, These’s or Those’s. Please be respectful to everyone, we are all trying to do our best to serve you and understand this has been one of the busiest season’s I have experienced in like…FOREVER (I compare it to trying to get a drink from a fire hose!) 

Being nice requires a lot less energy than being an uncaring one of THOSE…and who knows, be nice to me and I might even change your watch battery and administer a free lobotomy while you wait. 

Richard Alan is a designer/goldsmith and owner of the Harbor Goldsmith, Marco’s go to jeweler since 1994. He welcomes your questions comments and business if you are not one of Them.



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