Saturday, October 16, 2021

Q&A with Simba



This column is the opinion of a 3 year old African Grey Parrot named “Simba” who has an extremely high intelligence level. While he does not possess a degree from any college or university, he does have a strong opinion of himself and feels that he is the best candidate to answer the complex questions of today’s discerning pets…and the humans they own…

Dear Simba,

My name is “Charlie” and I am a rescued cat that has been living the good life now for a few years. When I came to my new forever home, I was skittish, scared and at times unruly. Now that I have been properly trained and I am a fully fledged member of the household, I am held in the highest regard of the perfect Feline companion. However, I have an issue, my brother “Buddha”. He’s a cool cat sometimes and I understand he was rescued as well…but sometimes he’s just downright mean to me! I try to be the logical one and explain to him that in order to be Alpha cat you don’t have to go around terrorizing everyone in the house, but I just get the typical rise up on his back legs, paws in the air, a growl, a spit and a lunge to my head! My sister “Lily the Dog” is over 60 pounds and hides in the corner when he comes sauntering by. He’s not one to communicate his feelings so I’m thinking that maybe we should have an intervention. Our human calls him the “Evil One”. He is when he gets those paws swinging…Look out! He even gets mad when our human is reading the newspaper in the morning and she turns the page before His Highness is done reading. He actually growls at her for it. Then at the same time, if we show our human affection, “Buddha” comes out of the woodwork like a deranged bucking bronco and starts swatting at all of us…I scatter, “Lily” goes in the corner and hides, “Lola” the other dog takes off to the bedroom and hides her head (her body doesn’t fit under the bed) and the whole household is in an uproar because now, with all the scattering, our human has spilled her coffee all over herself. All I’m saying is that we all love our brother “Buddha” but he really needs to chill out a bit. If you have any suggestions for us as the siblings of this rather “disturbed” brother of ours we would really appreciate it…we just all want to get along.

Sibling Rivalry

Dear Sibling,

Ahhhh…Sibling Rivalry…what a glorious thing! Sounds like “Buddha Kitty” has some ego issues. As you already know I don’t have a real liking towards the feline species (I’m a bird and I can be very tasty to them) but I do respect the fact that they are very independent, tend to go about their business and not want to be bothered. I assume that “Buddha” is a big boy and being that said, he likes to throw his weight around (figuratively speaking of course). There are a couple of things you can do here. You can all gang up on him and start swatting away at him. However, that would just get you in trouble with the human in the house and dear ole “Buddha” will come out smelling like a rose afterwards…but it could put him in his place.

You mentioned an intervention. This would be the logical approach but your human needs to initiate it. After all, the human is considered the “Alpha” in a pet household. I suggest you all sit down with Mr. Alpha Cat and explain that this is a team effort and tranquility in the home is the common goal. Of course, there is a good chance that this may not work and then, at that point, you may want to commence on a good swatting session. I come across the sibling rivalry theory a lot at home. I have 2 Blue and Gold Macaw sisters that think the louder they are, the more attention they will get. This does not work. They do not get the attention they want when they are screaming at 3000 decibels and shattering windows with their excessive jungle calling. When they are quiet and being subdued, they will be taken out of their rooms and playtime will commence. Maybe your human should try this approach with “Buddha”. When swat time begins with him, a good timeout in the bathroom may be the wake-up call he needs. However, in all honesty, I think your feline brother just needs a taste of his own medicine. In that respect, get up some courage and, for no reason at all, give him a swat next time he walks by. But make sure you tell “Lily” and “Lola” about this…you may need some help getting out of the swatting session you will be initiating…it’s always good to have a backup plan.

Good Luck,

Simba is owned by Christina Giordano. If you have any questions you would like Simba to answer, please email them to:

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