Wednesday, December 1, 2021

Q&A with Simba

Simba says, It’s ok to be vintage! PHOTO BY CHRISTINA GIORDANO

Simba says, It’s ok to be vintage! PHOTO BY CHRISTINA GIORDANO


This column is the opinion of a 3-year-old African Grey Parrot named “Simba” who has an extremely high intelligence level. While he does not possess a degree from any college or university, he does have a strong opinion of himself and feels that he is the best candidate to answer the complex questions of today’s discerning pets…and the humans they own… 

Dear Simba, 

For the last few years I have been trying to update my father to the Millenium. With computers, cell phones, texting, Blu-Ray, etc. on the market the world of electronics has become much more innovative. However, it’s been a bit of a chore more than anything else. Forget about iTunes…the concept is just not registering.

My father is an older gentleman with old school values and concepts. He’s got friends who have computers, know how to text and are in the mainstream. But for some reason he just doesn’t get it (or want to get it). He’s a good guy and a great Dad. I just want to be able to bring him up to date. Any suggestions?

Signed, Old School Challenged 

Dear Challenged, 

Have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” Well then, why would you want to? As I see it there’s no harm in being set in your ways.

Here at the humble abode, “Grandpa” has four remotes for one TV!! Should we say “Universal Remote?” No, we can’t because that’s just the way it is. The other day a friend of his sent him a website to the Administrative Assistant’s e-mail (obviously he doesn’t have an e-mail app of his own). The Administrative Assistant gave him a crash course in computer technology. When he tried to navigate the mouse up to the little arrow in the browser to go back to the previous page, he was holding the mouse up in the air! The Administrative Assistant had to explain to him that the mouse only works when being rolled around the table…Not waving it around in the air is like trying to land a 747 Jumbo Jet with it.

Now, texting…forget about it…it’s not going to happen and, if it does, by the time they finish typing the message out you may get it by next week. It’s much easier to just make the phone call. Besides, they are likely to try texting while trying to drive, and that would just lead to a bunch of other issues…just leave the texting part alone.

As far as entertainment is concerned, “Grandpa” is still on 78’s and VHS. There are a few DVD’s but the Administrative Assistant has to load them and play them… it’s pointless. iTunes doesn’t have any Stan Kenton Band or Tommy Dorsey music, so those must remain on 78’s. I sing a few songs for the “Gramps”, like Night In Tunisia, Big Noise From Winnetka and my all time favorite, Lullaby Of Birdland, (you probably never heard of these songs…). I do this because it makes him happy and he gets a kick out of it. However, I would rather be rocking out to Nickelback, Dave Matthews Band or Pink (I got a thing for the Pink girl). But, no harm-no foul…I do this for my “Grandpa”.

So you see, there’s not really much that you can do. It’s their time, let them enjoy it and go about it the way they want. If the remote for the TV is still connected by a wire lying straight across the living room, the only thing that should get on your nerves is the constant clicking sound from the buttons being pushed. Hope this helps you understand a little better. It’s ok to be vintage! Just be courteous and answer the phone when he calls…don’t text him back you may miss out on the original message!

Fondly, Simba 

Simba is owned by Christina Giordano. If you have any questions you would like Simba to answer, please email them to: Ask 

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