Saturday, January 22, 2022

Ask Simba



This column is the opinion of a 3-year-old African Grey Parrot named “Simba” who has an extremely high intelligence level. While he does not possess a degree from any college or university, he does have a strong opinion of himself and feels that he is the best candidate to answer the complex questions of today’s discerning pets…and the humans they own…

Dear Simba:

I am a nine-year-old Border Collie. I used to herd cattle and horses in my younger days and now I am, in my thoughts, retired. My human, although I love her, seems to think I can still run like I did in the good ole days. While my stamina is still somewhat good, I get tired quicker now and like lazy days sometimes just lying on the couch. How do I let her know that, although a good ten-mile run might be healthy for her, shorter more frequent walks are better for me?

Running Ragged

Dear Ragged,

Well…I must commend you, at nine years old running miles with your human. Since you were a herder, I suppose age is creeping up on you a bit. Hopefully, you are on a good senior diet and in great physical shape from years of exercise. Enjoy your retirement! You should be lying on the beach somewhere on this beautiful island with a cocktail in your paw! However, nowadays, our humans are into health, fitness, and staying in shape. These are all good traits of the human species and it’s only natural that they want us companions to “enjoy” it with them. Personally, I would rather snack on a french fry instead of a broccoli floret…but that’s just me. Next time your human wants to go out for a ten-mile run, revert to your puppy days. Plant your feet, pull back, and stay strong, my friend! You’ve been with her for so long she’ll understand. She knows you like the back of her hand and she’ll slow down. In the meantime, when you do feel spunky, again revert to your puppy days…start spinning and jumping like a kid, grab your leash, and you’re off for a fantastic day of exercise and tofu! If she doesn’t get it the first time around, show her this column and your letter. Sometimes humans have to see things in black and white. Hopefully, this helps your human understand that as we get older, we are just not cut out for the triathlon. A nice walk in the park is just as rewarding as a marathon around town.


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